i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
