Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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