I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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