I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
