You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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