Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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