She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
