Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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