The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
