JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
