i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
