that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
