6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
