I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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