You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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