Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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