when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
