I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
