It's like a parade of train wrecks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Success! We fucked roommates!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
