Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
