normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
