Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
