According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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