New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
