Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
