I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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