I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
we should paint friendship bongs
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