Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
