3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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