you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
