oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
