I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
