his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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