Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
