Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
