She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
