Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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