omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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