I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
