My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
