Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
