I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
