If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
