i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
