I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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