i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
