We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
