I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
