How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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