moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
