I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
