Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
