dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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