I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
