i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
