Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize