She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
