a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
