ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
