I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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