even my farts smell like vagina
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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