you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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