I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
