Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
