I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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