Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
