I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
