Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
