i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Text me some of your sweat
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
