Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
