Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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