So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
