I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
