3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
