Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
