He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
